#i am no longer worried
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#bbc ghosts#ghosts bbc#julian fawcett#i was initially worried that people would think i was calling for the death of all tories#and not just saying that julian is the only good tory#i am no longer worried
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My cat laid down on my keyboard and she wrote this...
#she really said#aaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwww#she did tab over a few times too#you know#just to give space in between my writing and hers#its the document for a fic though#my childhood friends au fic#its gonna be so long#like i was wondering if i was gonna hit 70k words#i am no longer worried#last two chapters are gonna be behemoths#at least in terms on what i usually write#its already almost 4k and im not even quite into canon#its still a few hours away technically#i have to get through the 15th though#and its still the 11th#this has already taken a while to write#and it will take even longer lmao
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some quick jjk eye paintings
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#megumi fushiguro#yuji itadori#nobara kugisaki#yuta okkotsu#gojo satoru#geto suguru#ryoumen sukuna#fanart#jjk fanart#tagging everyone feels like it took longer than the actual painting my god#i believe ive gone on record waxing poetic about how i love lower eyelids and how i could paint them fr hours#so i put my money where my mouth is and thats what i did today . self care :)#i had a cool idea fr gojo where i wanted to do like an abberated effect to show 2 extra sets of eyes#but god it looked cluttered and awful no matter what layer mode i put it on sdgdgjsdg#settled fr chromatic abberation on th irises :')#quickish painting but i am ! happy !#very proud also of the different eye shapes i ws able to achieve while keeping them consistently sized#was worried abt geto there fr a sec#but tbh he turned out to be one of my favs ????? surprised myself#anyway this is my love letter to eye skin <3 i love u lower eyelid folds mwah <3
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something bad happened to you, and you died, and you came back wrong.
not wrong all the way. the little ways. you forget important dates, stopped going out with friends. it's harder to make you smile. you're apathetic towards things you used to love, afraid of places you used to go to cheer up. quieter. flinching. different.
you came back for love. you're still here for love. what pulled you back was a brightness so loud that even death couldn't outshout it. death heard the call and smiled at you and said okay. go home. somebody is waiting for you.
but you came back different. like lot's wife; you've turned into salt. you used to chirp through life in hops and skips; but now you lose skin just standing up. you have to move slower, skimming across this world without-touching-it. most things feel dull - until they're suddenly all-too-much. life, and being alive just rushes up and over you and you get hopelessly crushed.
you try to explain it to them: it is ugly, but this is what you are, now. the huge golden hoop of your halo now a little bronze ring. you are still watering your plants and wearing the same clothes. after all, you worked hard to come home. this life; so odd and off-color, now that you are wrong.
but they waited for you - it's just that they wanted the "you" that happened before this. the "you" that could sing in the show and hug people tight and look at a blade without breaking down to cry. the you with a smile in pictures. god, holyshit, it's like looking at a completely different person, isn't it. that other-you; the one they actually wanted.
you are the consolation prize. you are the body that forgot the ghost. you are the memory of the bad thing, and the death after; like you are wearing that memory as a banner. you are a fragment, an assembly. simulacrum. you don't make eye contact in mirrors, afraid the light will glance off and your true nature will flash back at you.
you hear them talk about it in their hushed, desperate whispers. sometimes they even admit it to your face; harsh and violent, acid thrown at christmas dinner. god, can you just fucking be normal again. you do not remember what normal is. you had to climb so far to get back here; you are far too exhausted. you want to open the glass door of your heart and show all the gears. can you help resolve whatever got messed up?
you try so, so hard. you came back for them. because you believed they would love you, even when you were so horribly broken. because you believed they would be patient. because you believed unconditional meant "without exception." you cannot do things the same way. you just get tired too quickly these days.
you want to put them on a couch and pour them the tea with hands that shake more than they remember. you want to line them up and draw them a map of where you have had to wander. you want to show every bruise in a backsplash; the little helpless ant of your soul carrying all that weight, over and over. you want to say: yes! it is different! but i did it for love!
you want to say: "i'm not the same, but i'm yours and i'm here. can that be enough?"
#this is very obviously about my battle with#ptsd#but i think it's also like a pretty apt metaphor for a lot of things like setting boundaries or going to therapy or choosing recovery#i was thinking about the 'comes back wrong' trope and i was like. oh no i have feelings about this bc i have mental illness#and once i stopped masking - i was WRONG. i was different#here's the good news: i am now INNUNDATED with love. fucking swimming in it. excelling at it. the people who stayed#learned my new self. my new different body and how i am different but i am trying. they have held me so tightly#and my life no longer feels quiet. it is not based in my suffering. it feels like i have been growing a tree in my chest#and now it is flowering.#it is so lovely to be surrounded by people who have said - oh! you cut off so many branches i was worried you weren't the same. but now...#... this is just a new you. and i love you. and i love that you're different and happy.#(but yeah also im nb so i was absolutely influenced by Trans things)
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forgot to specify on firearm possession when he posted that job ad
#dimension 20#fantasy high#riz gukgak#fabian seacaster#this is the space sweepers AU thing I posted that one sketch for lol#I think trying to preserve riz's canon deal with guns in any AU is a noble&worthy cause#and I worried it wouldnt work in this one specifically. I shouldnt bc it doesnt matter but I do anyway bc of who I am#but also I shouldnt bc it works out fine lol. I think the juxtaposition/gap moe comes through#for context theyre in the far future of the year 2092 about#and the majority of the crew are deeply involved with contemporary tech. half of them got body mods. one of them's a robot#riz is the navigator (fabian's the first captain and the one assembling the crew). he does everything on paper with a pencil#he has a school calculator from our current time. the crew's had to wrestle a comm link onto him#his translator link has been mutilated to stop all wireless transmission. he is also under 5 feet in height and looks Like That#I think its great that he honestly coheres very well despite all appearances. in every life possible it must be wild that he owns a gun#and also the idea of fabian slowly waking up to the realization that he's somewhat responsible for a buncha babies is awesome to me#good luck buddy. hold out for two more years and labour court will no longer be on ur ass
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i was worried you guys would read me like a book and my identity would be in danger
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Now we're putting Astarion in Situations™
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[[ All Croissant Adventures (chronological, desktop) ]]
[[ All Croissant Adventures (app) ]]
#the boy really went through it in the foundry lmao#p.s. I'm going to start doing a M-W-F schedule next week#we're approaching endgame and I'm creeping up on my backlog so I want to make sure I have enough time to make some of these longer comics#yes I am already crying about approaching the end of the journey don't worry about it :''''''''''')#bg3#baldur's gate 3#bg3 spoilers#act III spoilers#steel watch foundry#croissant adventures#tav#astarion#steel watch#comics
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You have to choose: whose lives are important to you?
In order to be a SOLDIER, you have to have dreams. And honor.
#edit: also i updated it with a slightly lighter background#thinking v hard tonight#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#bb risked his safety/glory at shinra for other ppl 😭😭😭#also to the anon who requested another scene#rest assured i am getting to it#it's just a little longer so it's taking me longer#final fantasy#sephiroth#miniroth#ff7 ever crisis#ff7#v worried about what will happen to him#ff7 first soldier#my art
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ooooohhgh bright ones i am ill over this panel in particular /pos
#zeisty are you posting some of these out of order#why yes. yes i am#anyway look at this specific panel of ltn!loop and siffrin. ohhh they make me sick /pos#especially loop THEY ARE WORRIED AND CONCERNED. BLOWS UP JUPITER#ltn au#longer than necessary au#isat#in stars and time#isat au#in stars and time au#isat loop#isat siffrin#in stars and time loop#in stars and time siffrin#zeisty’s heavy hitters#zeisty’s in betweens
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i would like to thank papa louie 2 when burgers attack for cementing these 3 as a trio in my mind even though they arent
#idk why i always draw kahuna in red because its not like i hate the teal or anything#alternate caption: onionfest crown classic 2019 losers bracket#...im still sad that like. several of my favorite pl characters were in the losers bracket for that but oh well#its funny because ive known 2 of them longer than the other. and kahuna is the other. but hes my favorite#im just rambling i should put the tags in#papa louie#flipline studios#flipline fanart#flipline big pauly#flipline kingsley#flipline kahuna#bluebay art#why am i worried someone is going to say something strange to this post. ive posted all 3 of them before nothing bad happened. Ah well!
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This is an RE: Dracula (Bloody FM) appreciation post 💕💕
#I LOVE THEM#first of all love me a good full cast production of anything and Dracula was practically MADE for that kind of production#taking the idea of Dracula daily and going but what if it were an audio version?? as a man who loves audio books I’m obsessed#the suspense builds SO WELL I am just like Mina I am so worried for my boy Johnathan where is he!!#is he well?? I don’t know!! it’s been so long!!#and then of course there’s the content warnings#massively appreciated because some of ‘em are things I handle much better with warning and you don’t really get that with audiobooks often#I just. love them.#only possible complaint adjacent thing is the ads but even that!! yall need sponsors I totally get it#and they’re only ever in longer episodes and they usually keep the majority at the end#I simply adore this silly little story and the way it’s being presented#Dracula daily#re dracula#not a quote#not cosmere#my post
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im like the lorax when it comes to women's body hair. we should let it grow.
#eliot posts#the other day my roommate was talking abt how she hates shaving#but does it anyway bc she doesn't want people to be mean to her about her body hair#and i was like yeah i mean i used to#also worry about that bc my mother was always so fucking cruel to me when i didn't shave#but as an adult i find that it's extremely rare that anyone even mentions it (tho my body hair is pretty light so that could be a factor)#but even when people are shitty i find that i no longer give a shit about what what those idiots have to say about my body#but i understand that that can be a hard step to take so if you need to keep shaving for your own comfort then i won't judge#but on the inside i was just like#*ibuprofen hand meme* ''let's get called disgusting hairy d*kes together <3''#i had a great time showing off my pit hair at the pool today!#(i get read as a woman when im swimwear cuz i can't hide my body as much. so i get read as a hairy masculine woman.)#i show off my leg hair every time i wear shorts but like. my leg hair is Pathetic#i look practically prepubescent vis a vis my leg hair (my mother still calls it disgusting lmao)#but my pit hair is pretty good#i occupy a weird gendered place in society where i am more of a man in identify but society genders me as a woman#the only time i feel remotely okay being seen as a woman is when i am seen as a BAD woman. a woman who cannot/will not be A Proper Lady#it's not an entirely ACCURATE view of me but there's Something in it
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I'm cooking :) (redraw of a panel from DEEP and a comparison to the same panel)
#this is how i announce that im on my bullshti again (drawing another comic except i am drawing a comic i have already made)#(its got a bunch of differences though dont worry. it will also be significantly longer)#windyart#deep#wip#anyway like i said in my server. im the CEO of drawing old men rn
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🐶 Y'know, I fall in love with you all over again when we go on dates like this, Max.
🐰 You're getting a pass for that awful pun because you're the prettiest thing this side a' the world, Sam.
🐶 What can I say? I'm as corny as Kansas in August.
🐰 And as normal as blueberry pie.
#I had such a nice time making this it was very cathartic :] I’ve been having a really horrible time lately and this was-#a way to relieve my brain at least a little#sam and max#freelance husbands#furry art#morelikesin#my art#don't steal#digital art#original#finished#also do not tag as genderbend or like terms I just love sam crossdressing don't worry about it#a wonderful guy tex beneke#and if you've gotten this far in the tags I'll get a little sappy: I've gotten a monumental uptick in interest in my work the past week or-#-so and it's really meant so much to me. I've been making and posting art on this blog for. God it's been Years and I'm a nobody#but lately I've been given such affection for my pieces and I can't believe it still. I don't know if I deserve it but I am keeping it-#-very close to my heart. a sincere and genuine thank you for making truly the hardest time in my life to date bearable again.#I've been debating if I should just give up and this gives me hope to at least try for a little while longer 🩷 okay sorry for the sap
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[ID: a comic set in the parantural au, drawn in the parantural style, in which all the Hargreeves except Five are kids and Five is a teacher at their school.
Panel 1: Five's bedroom. He is seen sleeping next to Delores the mannequin. Klaus suddenly barges in through the window, shouting "Five, theres a spirit thing!" Five shouts back "WHY ARE YOU IN MY HOUSE."
Panel 2: Allison climbs in after Klaus. She says, "We tried to text you first!"
Panel 3: Five blearily checks his phone. A notification reads "Sent 3 sec. ago. Child A: 5 THERES A THING"
Panel 4: Five rolls over and rubs his face, saying "Ugh, fine, I'll come help. Just get out!"
Panels 5 - 8: Five rolls out of bed, puts on a bathrobe, and teleports downstairs. He opens his front door to find Klaus and Allison looking up at him. They both say "Hi."
Panel 9: A white box labeled "Cool spirit fight scene that I'm not drawing"
Panel 10: Five looks suspiciously down at Allison, reaching over her head. He says, "Why are you still here." Allison aloofly says "No reason. Where's this woman you married without telling anyone?"
Panel 11: An image of Delores, who is actually a giant bug spirit, appears behind Five, who looks uncomfortable. He says, "Uh. None of your business."
Panel 12: They are revealed to be standing on Five's front porch, as Five opens the door. He says "If I give you hot chocolate will you leave," and Allison responds "Deal."
Panel 13: In Five's warmly lit kitchen, Allison delightedly drinks a mug of hot chocolate and Five pours himself coffee. End ID.]
sometimes you encounter a spirit problem you can't solve on your own and you break into your teacher's house about it. and then because in addition to being your teacher hes also a family friend you decide to interrogate him about why hes being so weird and secretive. Just normal things!
#tua#the umbrella academy#five hargreeves#allison hargreeves#klaus hargreeves#delores tua#dolores tua#pros of formatting a comic for tumblr: formatted for tumblr. easy to read#cons of formattting a comic for tumblr: oh my god this post is so much longer than i was expecting it to be#lest any of you think that im making five more normal in this au because his wife is real#worry not mannequin delores is still here#lifted the colors from paranatural this time to get the effects better#the colors the artist uses are just so different from the colors it would occur to me to use. I am Learning#my art#first art post of the new year happy 2024
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stop he was literally a fucking kid. he looks so young here, i’m gonna end it all.
#not to infantilize him or anything#BUT IVE HAD ENOUGH#i think finally being the same age as him and no longer looking up to him as an older figure has got me tweaking lately#he’ll be younger than me here in like five months. then what tf am i supposed to do?#i’m not even worried about adulthood i’m just concerned about being older than the character i fused my soul with at 15#like minds#nigel colbie#murderous intent#like minds 2006#tom sturridge
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